Scott Hutchison

The first song I ever heard by Frightened Rabbit was “Poke”, and it was just this huge surprise to me – I’ll never forget that first listen. The melody, his voice and god, the lyrics. Honest and brutal in the most beautiful way, I was speechless. Still am to this day.
Please take a few minutes of your time to listen to the beauty of this song.

Lead singer Scott was reported missing a few days ago in a really fragile state of mind… he was found last night, but not how we were hoping.

Following a couple of difficult anxiety days, May 10th was particularly really bad.

Difficult gets bad gets even worse…

I just feel sick to my fucking stomach. After the awful day I had, it felt like a kick in the gut seeing this. I broke into tears and just kept sobbing “no, please, no” over and over and over again.

Devastated. Gutted. Heartbroken. You name it, I’m feeling it. But I’m also really fucking angry. Not at Scott – never at him, but at the lack of knowledge, compassion and understanding surrounding mental illness and suicide. I’m so angry that we lost this beautiful fucking man because he couldn’t believe he was worth it, in getting help. The stigma is a disgrace.

This man and his music has been a constant in my life for almost 10 years now. Almost a fucking decade of my life, music – his music – was there for me when no one else was. Scott had a voice and platform to speak from and he did. The beauty and honesty in his words is what has kept myself and so many other fans going in our darkest moments. It’s so hard to wrap my head around it – same with Chris and Chester; how they save lives with their words, not wanting anyone to feel alone in their struggles… but they couldn’t really see it for themselves. It’s common sadly, I guess, not being able to take your own advice. I know I’ve been guilty of that. We’re human and we’re all different, but we’re not unique in the fact that we all struggle; in different ways and to different degrees.

Scott Hutchison… being able to have met and have a conversation with you, to see you perform live, was a privilege I will cherish every day. And I’m sorry you were in so much pain. You are so, so loved & missed. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your talent and helping me feel a little more understood and less alone in the world. Thank you for everything. ♡

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World Suicide Prevention Day 2017: I Was Made For…

It’s September 10th, which means it’s World Suicide Prevention Day. TWLOHA’s slogan this year being Find What You Were Made For.

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I really struggled with this. I’ve been in a bit of a low period lately, so it’s all too easy to shut out the positive. Once I realized that that’s what I was doing I found that the answers were actually pretty simple.

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I Was Made For my art. I was made for my music and my writing; for my creativity.

I Was Made For these amazing people I get to call friends who understand and are there for me, and in return be there for them. To give them back the love and hope they’ve given me.

I Was Made For the chance to be a voice in this world. A voice to raise awareness. To fight the stigma of mental health. To fight for equality.

I Was Made For being more than my depression and anxieties. More than my BPD. My disorders do not define me.

I Was Made For something I haven’t figured out yet. But I have to believe I will.

I Was Made For this. Here. Today. Tomorrow.

♥♥

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Stay. Find what you were made for.
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay

Comfort Zone: A Letter to My Depression

Another article of mine was published on The Mighty the other day! This one took a lot for me to submit – the thought of people reading it was terrifying, which I took as a sign that I had to do it.

https://themighty.com/2017/06/depression-ready-to-live-not-survive/

How My Tattoos Help ‘Heal’ My Scars

New article was published on The Mighty today! My second with them. 😀

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One Year (April 17th 2016)

April 17th 2016. A day I won’t forget – can’t forget.

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Today marks one year since my last suicide attempt.

On this day in 2016 I swallowed a cocktail of pills, slit wrists. And I was saved by two friends.

Life has changed in so many ways since that day. Some for better, some for not. And some things are exactly the same. It’s crazy thinking back on what I’ve been through in just a year. So much. Too much, at times. I look different now, in a very noticeable way if you know me. Last year I was already fading fast and it’s all taken its toll on me, both physically and emotionally.

Heartbreak and betrayal. Successes and failures. Friends found and lost. Illnesses and surgery. Abandonment.

So many ups and downs.

I’m still just a fragile girl, a scared girl, lost and unsure. Loneliness is still my closest friend, but I’m moving forward in life. I’m making things happen. Things I never would have thought possible on this day last year.

Baby steps.

A year ago today I gave up on life. But I’m still here. I wanted it all to end but two amazing people saved me that day, and I found hope. I’m still here.

What Dialectical Behavior Therapy Has Taught Me So Far

So excited to be published on TheMighty.com and be an official contributor! It’s obviously very personal to me and, I feel, really important.

https://themighty.com/2017/03/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt/

Coda, Poetry by Forrest Jamie

Thanks as always, WILDsound ❤

POETRY FESTIVAL. Submit to site for FREE. Submit for actor performance. Submit poem to be made into film.

 Genres: Breakup, Closure, Heartbreak, Love, Relationships, Romantic, The End

—-

Darling boy
I know how this story goes –
it’s ours, after all
and I could read it
with my eyes closed.
And why must re-reading those chapters
of our one-sided love story
hurt so good?

You said that
my coffee brown eyes felt like home,
but you’re the wandering kind
and so
the timing is all wrong.
You never stay (in one place)
for too long.

I’m an open book.
I give myself to you
anywhere
anytime
and every time,
you leave with another torn up page of me
but I couldn’t care less if I tried.

We will always be
my favourite
romantic tragedy.
 

 

 

    * * * * *

Deadline: FREE POETRY Festival – Get your poem made into a MOVIE and seen by 1000s. Three options to submit:
http://www.wildsound.ca/poetrycontest.html

Watch Poetry performance readings:

Watch…

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The Freelance Life & Being Published

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The freelance life is tough. I’m both a freelance makeup artist and writer now, I guess. Ever since I started submitting my writing 6 months ago, I’ve kept this notebook, aptly named “Published Shit”. Paid or not, I add my published writings to it as a sort of keepsake. I’ve accomplished something I never thought would happen.

A few days ago, I received an acceptance email for my 3rd paid publication. Being able to add it to this notebook – the 10th entry – is pretty fucking cool.

Make Me Forget, Poetry by Forrest Jamie

Thank you, WILDsound ❤

WILDsound Festival

Genres: Breakup, Denial, Friendship, Hurt, Love, One-sided, Painful, Relationships, Sad, Unrequited, Used

Your mouth leaves bruises and it makes me forget.
Forget you’re anything but mine and
tonight is all we have
and you’re lying.
Lying to yourself and a girl who is powerless to unlove you
because somehow it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter when you’re holding me
that you’ll leave soon after.
Because it’s so easy to ignore the future
when you’re on top of me
trailing kisses down a familiar path
and when your lips burn bright
so I don’t think about the aftermath.
It doesn’t matter,
because we’re so good you make me forget
and you count on that.
So why agonize when you’re here
that soon you’ll be there
but there has to be something more that keeps you coming back
and you’ll always make sure I forget that.

 

 

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Ottawa, Poetry by Forrest Jamie

Thank you WILDsound ❤

WILDsound Festival

Genres: Friendship, Hurt, Painful, Sad, Abandoned

Ottawa (10.27.2015) by Forrest Jamie

I can’t make you miss me.
I can’t pull the words from your throat
and I sure as hell can’t make you care.
I can’t sit you down in front of me and beg for honesty
and I can’t make you listen.
That’s the hardest part, I think.
And I was terrified of it – knowing I’d have to
let you go the next time you came around.
But more than that, I think what scared me most
was you never coming back. Finally.
That whatever it was that kept me dear to you
would vanish and you would just stay gone.
Lo and behold,
my nightmare is now my reality.
So why?
Why did you promise and why did you break it?
Why didn’t you call and why haven’t you come back?
You always came back.
And as much as…

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